I am teaching a course and want to provide students with a simple explanation of the ZFC axioms without technical jargon. I try to define most of the primitive words in the list with the following intro:
An initial naïve approach towards the foundations of Mathematics one considers collections or containers, which are called sets which may contain items called elements. These sets have no duplicate elements and do not a-priori possess any internal structure such as order or size.
The only relation between sets and elements is derived from the logical concept of being in a set, or being an element of a set.
It is not of interest to know the exact ontological status of these sets or elements, only how identify and how to operate with them. Therefore we take the following statements as true:
There exist a set without elements.
Two sets with the same elements are identical.
For any two sets there exists a set which contains them as its elements.
For any set there exists another set which has contains the elements of the elements of the first.
For any set there exists another set which contains all of its subsets.
For any set and any first-order property $p$, there exist a set whose elements satisfy $p$.
There exists the infinite set of natural numbers.
The image of a set under a function is also a set.
The in relation of belonging is well-founded, this means there is no circularity chain (finite or infinite) such as $A$ is in $B$ and $B$ is in $A$.
Given two sets, there exists a choice set which has exactly one element of each element of said sets.
The ordering of the axioms is immaterial, also they are not independent. Initially this appears worrying but in reality this is an infinite list of axioms, since (6, 8) are axiomatic 'schemas', one action per property or function.
I want to know if there is something that needs correction or merits improvement.
Your $(6)$ is misstated: it should say that for any set $A$ and first-order property $p$ there is a set whose elements are precisely the elements of $A$ that satisfy $p$.
Your $(8)$ is conflates functions (i.e., sets of a certain kind) with what might loosely be described as first-order formulas that behave like functions. The replacement schema isn’t needed to get that $f[A]$ is a set if $f$ is a genuine function and $A$ is a set.
Your $(10)$ as stated is unnecessarily confusing. If you want the axiom of choice, you should start with a single set $A$ of non-empty sets and say that there is a function with domain $A$ that picks out an element of each element of $A$.