For instance, I want to know:
What is the most efficient way to present 256 cells in a 16:9 table, giving each cell maximum readability?
In the above scenario, each cell must be sized appropriately to give the greatest possible amount of text information, but the entire table must still be a complete rectangle with a 16:9 aspect ratio. How would I do such a calculation? I fear it may include Calculus :s
I believe you're talking about typesetting on the screen, so we need some restrictions on cell width (or column numbers) to ensure some readability. The most elegant solution is to split $256$ as $16 \times 16$ but you have to check the readability of a cell having width equal to $\frac{1}{16}$ screen width. If readability is too low, see below.
Let maximum number of columns be $m$. Then $n = \lceil\frac{256}{m}\rceil$ would be a number of rows. $m$ should be chosen by you, according to requirements of your problem. For example, if you choose $m = 13$, then $n = 20$. Total number of cells would be $260$.