I've been learning some introductory analysis on manifolds and have had a small issue ever since the notion of tangent spaces at points on a differentiable manifold was introduced.
In our lectures, we began with the definition using equivalence classes of curves. But it is also possible to define tangent spaces using derivations of smooth functions (and apparently several other ways too, but for now I'm only familiar with these two).
It seems intuitively sensible to call both these pictures (the curve and derivative ones) "equivalent": let the point of interest be $p$ and pick a local chart $\phi$. Then we form a quotient of the set of curves through $p$ (parametrized so that $p=\gamma(0)$), declaring $\gamma_1\sim\gamma_2$ iff $(\phi\,\circ\,\gamma_1)'(0)=(\phi\,\circ\,\gamma_2)'(0)$. This is one particular version of a tangent space at $p$. But we could also define it as the space of derivations, i.e. linear maps from $C^\infty(M)$ to $\mathbb{R}$ satisfying the Leibnitz rule $$D(fg)=D(f)g(p)+f(p)D(g)$$ For any equivalence class of curves $[\gamma]$ at $p$, the operator defined on $C^\infty(M)$ by $$ D_{[\gamma]}(f)=(f\circ\gamma)'(0) $$ is a derivation; conversely, it is true that every derivation is such a directional derivative (proof: Equivalence of definitions of tangent space).
Most of this a recap of a part of Wikipedia. At any rate, both of these notions seem to give in some sense "the same" tangent spaces.
Here is my problem: I don't actually understand what precisely it is we are checking for when trying to decide if some two definitions are equivalent; right now, all I would personally try to do is show isomorphism of vector spaces and then try to convince myself that this isomorphism respects some vague notion of direction. But then $\mathbb{R}^{\mathrm{dim}(M)}$ is certainly isomorphic to any tangent space of the manifold $M$, at least as a vector space. Nevertheless, just declaring $T_pM=\mathbb{R}^{\mathrm{dim}(M)}$ doesn't strike me as a successful construction of a tangent space.
Now, there are two levels to my question, ordered by "degree of abstraction", so to speak (presumably they also get harder to answer). I do, however, believe they are connected.
First, is there some precise notion of vector space isomorphisms respecting direction on a manifold? Specifically, is $\mathbb{R}^{\mathrm{dim}(M)}$ a valid tangent space or is it not, or do I perhaps have to specify some additional structure on it and then check that the additional structure relates to, say, the curve definition in a correct way? (I suppose this last case would require taking one definition of the tangent space as the absolute foundation and comparing all others to it, which I find somewhat unsatisfying.)
Second, is there perhaps an abstract, "external" definition of a tangent space? What I'm talking about could be something like, "Given a smooth manifold $M$, a point $p\in M$ and a vector space $V$, this vector space is called a tangent space at $p$ if it satisfies some properties $X,Y,Z...$" where these $X,Y,Z$ don't depend on the type of objects in $V$ or other particular details specific to $V$.
The motivation behind asking this is related to the situation with ordered pairs of objects (yes, this is quite a leap): I can use the Kuratowski definition or infinitely many others, and in each case, I will be able to eventually convince myself that, indeed, this thing before me works just as well to encode "ordered-ness" of objects as any other. But I don't have to keep referring to one of these specific cases, I just need to describe how pairs should arise and behave in general: there is a two-place function $f$ that sends two objects $x$ and $y$ to $(x,y)$ and there are two projections $\pi_1,\pi_2$ that pull $x$ and $y$ back out. (For a precise definition see this PDF, I summarised the discussion from there. It goes on to define products also within category theory.) Furthermore, I would find it highly suspect if some theorem about ordered pairs referred to the particulars of the Kuratowski definition - all the relevant information about $(x,y)$ should be recoverable from just the abstract setup described above (or better yet, in the linked PDF). Is there some way of treating tangent spaces in this same spirit?
I know this question is vague, but I honestly don't know how better to phrase it, I hope I've at least gotten the mindset across if nothing else.








1) The tangent space $T_p M$ is a vector space and, as you pointed out, any two vector spaces of the same dimension are isomorphic. There are two issues that make the definitions in the post nontrivial. First, that isomorphism is not canonical; it depends on (e.g.) a choice of basis. Second, and more importantly, the right notion here is that of the tangent bundle versus the tangent space. That is, the tangent bundle $TM$ is a space together with a (continuous) projection $\pi:TM \to M$ such that every point $p\in M$ has a neighborhood $U$ above which $\pi$ is just the projection $U \times \mathbb{R}^n \to U$ for some fixed $n$. In this case, $TM$ is the collection of the $T_p M$ for $p\in M$, topologized in a certain way.
2) There's nothing inherently wrong with having a lot of equivalent definitions of the tangent space; consider all the different definitions of an ordinary derivative. Ultimately, all of these definitions come down to the fact that a tangent space is defined locally (i.e., $T_p M$ only depends on a neighborhood of $p$), and points on manifolds have neighborhoods homeomorphic (in whatever category we're considering, and presumably at least $C^1$ here) to $\mathbb{R}^n$. On $\mathbb{R}^n$, the idea of a tangent space is simple: it's just $\mathbb{R}^n$ itself. The different definitions are just ways of turning that idea into something that doesn't depend on explicit choices of local charts. For motivation, you might want to consider the case where $M$ is smoothly embedded in some $\mathbb{R}^n$. (By the Whitney embedding theorem, this is a trivial assumption, at least if we're assuming second-countability. The trick is coming up with a definition that's independent of that embedding.)
3) As for an abstract or external definition, define the cotangent space $T_p^* M$ to be the quotient $I/I^2$, where $I$ is the space of smooth maps $f:M \to \mathbb{R}$ that vanish at $p$. (It would probably be cleaner to work with the sheaf of smooth functions defined on a neighborhood of $p$, but we can reduce to the case above via a suitable bump function.) The tangent is then the dual of $T_p^* M$, but $T_p^* M$ itself is useful in, for example, defining differential forms.
Beyond that, it sounds like the abstraction you may be looking for (though, unfortunately, it's not particularly category-theoretic) is that of a vector bundle or, more abstractly, a general fiber bundle. The full definition is on (e.g.) wikipedia, but the idea is the same as the one in part (1) above: A bundle with fiber $F$ over a manifold $M$ is a space $E$ along with a continuous surjection $\pi:E \to M$ that locally looks like the projection $U \times F \to U$ onto the first coordinate. The Moebius strip, for example, is a $[0, 1]$-bundle over the circle: It just looks like $[0, 1] \times U$ around a small neighborhood $U$ of a point in the central circle, but the whole space isn't just $[0, 1]\times S^1$.
This turns out to be an extraordinarly useful idea, and it leads to extremely productive ideas about exact sequences in algebraic topology, characteristic classes, classifying spaces, and so on.