My opinion is that it converges for all $0<p<1$
For $p\geq 1$, $p^{\sqrt{n}}$ does not converge to zero so it cannot converge.
Now, for $0<p<1$ I tried to the following:
$\sum_{n=1}^{\infty} p^{\sqrt{n}} =p+p^{\sqrt{2}}+p^{\sqrt{3}}+p^2+...\leq 3p+5p^2+7p^3+...=\sum_{n=1}^{\infty} (2n+1)p^{n}$
Using the quotient test, $\frac{(2n+3)p^{n+1}}{(2n+1)p^{n}}$ converges to $p$ and $p<1$, so the series $\sum_{n=1}^{\infty} (2n+1)p^{n}$ converges and therefore $\sum_{n=1}^{\infty} p^{\sqrt{n}} $ as well.
Is this valid?
EDIT: I got $p+p^{\sqrt{2}}+p^{\sqrt{3}}+p^2+...\leq 3p+5p^2+7p^3+...$ by using $p>p^{\sqrt{2}},p^{\sqrt{3}}$, and then $p^2>p^{\sqrt{5}},p^{\sqrt{6}},p^{\sqrt{7}},p^{\sqrt{8}}$
You should add some words to make it more clear. Or at least add parentheses to show how you are grouping terms. It took me a second to see that you were doing something like this:
\begin{align}\sum_{n=1}^\infty p^{\sqrt n}&=p+p^{\sqrt2}+p^{\sqrt3}\tag{$<3p$}\\&\hphantom{~\!=}+p^{\sqrt4}+p^{\sqrt5}+p^{\sqrt6}+p^{\sqrt7}+p^{\sqrt8}\tag{$<5p^2$}\\&\hphantom{~\!=}+p^{\sqrt9}+p^{\sqrt{10}}+p^{\sqrt{11}}+p^{\sqrt{12}}+p^{\sqrt{13}}+p^{\sqrt{14}}+p^{\sqrt{15}}\tag{$<7p^3$}\\&\hphantom{~\!=}+\dots\\&<3p\\&\hphantom{~\!=}+5p^2\\&\hphantom{~\!=}+7p^3\\&\hphantom{~\!=}+\dots\\&=\sum_{n=1}^\infty(2n+1)p^n\end{align}
So indeed your proof is correct, but needs clarification.