I need to understand the following about generators and relations notations:
Is $\langle a,b \mid a^kb^l\rangle =\langle a,b\mid a^k=b^l\rangle =\langle a,b\mid a^k,b^l\rangle$?
Is $ \langle a,b\mid a^k=b^l\rangle =\langle a,b\mid a^k=b^l=1\rangle$? (if not, why?)
Which of them is $\mathbb Z_k \ast \mathbb Z_l$?
In a presentation of a group the relations are understood to be equal to the identity. So in your examples
$\langle a, b| a^kb^l\rangle$ is generated by $a$ and $b$ and $a^kb^l=e\Rightarrow a^k=b^{-l}$. From this we can see that the three presentations in the top row are not the same. Note however that even though the presentations are not the same does not mean that the groups are not isomorphic.
In particular, $\langle a, b| a^kb^l\rangle\neq\langle a, b| a^kb^{-l}\rangle=\langle a, b| a^k=b^l\rangle$, where the $\neq$ means that presentations are not the same, but the groups are isomorphic.
With regards to your final question
$\mathbb{Z}_k\ast\mathbb{Z}_l\simeq\langle a, b| a^k, b^l\rangle$