Suppose we have a Lorentzian metric of the form \begin{align} g&=-f(r)^2\,dt^2+ h(r)^2(dr^2+r^2\,d\theta^2+r^2\sin^2\theta\,d\phi^2) \end{align} Where $f,h$ are say strictly positive functions. We use the Levi-Civita connection. I introduced the 1-forms \begin{align} e^0=f(r)\,dt,\quad e^1=h(r)\,dr,\quad e^2=rh(r)\,d\theta,\quad e^3=rh(r)\sin\theta\,d\phi \end{align} which diagonalize the metric, and now I'm trying to use these to calculate the connection 1-forms $\omega^a_{\,b}$ using Cartan's structural equation $de=-\omega\wedge e$ (since Levi-Civita connection is torsion free).
Question 1.
The issue I'm facing is that once I calculate $de$, I'm not sure how to identify $\omega$ from those equations: initially I tried the most naive thing by just looking at the appropriate coefficient and calling that the appropriate component of $\omega$, but I think this naive approach is wrong, probably because the wedge-product of non-zero forms can still be zero (so "cancelling" terms won't work).
To be more explicit, I calculated \begin{align} \begin{cases} de^0= f'(r)\,dr\wedge dt\\ de^1= 0\\ de^2=(h(r)+rh'(r))\,dr\wedge d\theta\\ de^3= (h(r)+rh'(r))\sin\theta\,dr\wedge d\phi+ rh(r)\cos\theta\,d\theta\wedge d\phi \end{cases} \end{align} When I first did the calculation, I naively concluded that \begin{align} de^0=f'(r)\,dr\wedge dt=-\left[-\frac{f'(r)}{f(r)}\,dr\right]\wedge e^0, \end{align} and thus that $\omega^0_0=-\frac{f'(r)}{f(r)}\,dr, \omega^0_1=\omega^0_2=\omega^0_3=0$. Next, from $de^1=0$ I naively concluded that $\omega^1_{\,b}=0$ for all $b=0,1,2,3$. I did a similar thing with the other equations. But now I realize this is wrong, because for example, we can also write \begin{align} de^0=f'(r)\,dr\wedge dt= -\left[\frac{f'(r)}{h(r)}\,dt\right]\wedge e^1, \end{align} so if I were to use my above logic, I would have $\omega^0_0=0, \omega^0_1=\frac{f'(r)}{h(r)}\,dt, \omega^0_2=\omega^0_3=0$. So clearly my mistake stems from the fact that the wedge of non-zero forms can be zero. But now I'm not sure what the correct approach is.
I have read this answer by @Ted Shifrin, and it seems like the correct answer is the second approach, but I'm not sure why. Also, I can't really understand that answer because it's not clear to me why certain certain $\omega^a_b$ are equal to certain functions and why others are multiples of some $e^i$, and why some others are zero.
Question 2.
The equation $de=-\omega\wedge e$ consists of four equations relating $2$-forms. However, $\omega$ being a $4\times 4$ matrix (in this case) of $1$-forms, consists a-priori of 16 unknowns. I believe in this case due to the Lorentzian signature and the diagonalizability of the metric, there is some relationship between $\omega^a_b$ and $\omega^b_a$, so that it can be written as \begin{align} [\omega^a_b]&= \begin{pmatrix} 0&\alpha_1&\alpha_2&\alpha_3\\ \alpha_1&0&\beta_1&\beta_2\\ \alpha_2&-\beta_1&0&\beta_3\\ \alpha_3& -\beta_2&-\beta_3&0 \end{pmatrix} \end{align} for some 1-forms $\alpha_1,\beta_i$. So, now there are only 6-unknowns, but this is still too many unknowns for the number of equations.
So my question is whether we can always use this structural equation to determine $\omega$ completely? I believe the answer is yes because for the case of Christoffel symbols $\Gamma^i_{jk}$ we have explicit formulas for it in terms of the metric, and now since $\omega$ are related to $\Gamma$ in some fashion, the same ought to hold true; but now I'm not sure how to reconcile this with the above counting argument (6 unknowns vs 4 equations).
The answer to your first question still boils down to the uniqueness. If one has a solution that satisfies the structure equations and (skew-) symmetry, then it must be the answer.
In the case of my solution to which you linked, remember, for starters, that $\omega_j^j=0$ for $j\ge 1$.
I really should have written that solution in a slightly different order. I agree that a priori we might conceivably have had, say, $\omega_3^1=e^2$. Then we'd have $\omega_2^1=e^3$ and so $\omega_1^2 = -e^3$. But we establish that $\omega_1^2$ is a multiple of $e^2$, and so this is impossible. Establishing the ones in red and imposing symmetry conditions completely fills out the table.