This is my first question on this site, and this question may sound disturbing. My apologies, but I truly need some advice on this.
I am a sophomore math major at a fairly good math department (top 20 in the U.S.), and after taking some upper-level math courses (second courses in abstract algebra and real analysis, differential geometry, etc), I can say that I genuinely like math, and if I have A BIT chance to succeed, I will go to graduate school and choose math research as my career.
However, this is exactly the thing that I am afraid of. My grades on the courses are mediocre (my GPA for math courses is around 3.7), and for the courses I got A's, I had to work very hard, much harder than others to get the same result, and I often get confused in many of the classes, while the others understand the material quickly and could answer professor's questions, and at the same time I didn't even understand what the professor was really asking. I really wonder, if I have to work hard even on undergraduate courses, does that mean I am not naturally smart enough for more advanced math, especially compared to everyone else in my class? Can I even survive graduate level math if I even sometimes struggle with undergraduate courses? I always believe that adequate mathematicians could do well in their undergraduate courses easily. In my case, even if I work very hard, I forget definitions/theorems easily and then of course forget how to use them to solve problems.
Is it still worth to try if I am significantly behind the regular level and have to work hard even for undergraduate courses, providing that there are a lot of smart people who can understand them instantly. This feeling hurts me a lot, especially when I am struggling with something in math, I always feel I am a useless trash and ask myself why I am so stupid?
I thought about talking to my professors about this issue, but I find this too embarrassing to start. I am really afraid that if I ask them this question, they may tell me the truth in person that "you are really not smart enough to go to graduate school".
So how can I tell if it is still worth for me to think about this path, or I should realize that I have no chance to succeed and give up now? I appreciate encouraging comments, but please, please be honest on this case because it is really important for my future plan. Thanks again for your advice, and I am really grateful.
Hopefully I can answer before the tide of "talk to someone who knows you personally" and "this question is off topic" rolls in and your question is inevitably closed. It is true that you should talk to someone who knows you better, but I can give you some general advice that is better than just "follow your heart."
First, you should know that professors see students like yourself, who have a low opinion of their own ability, all of the time. We get questions like "am I cut out for this or that?" quite often. Your situation is not as unique as you might think, which, I hope, is comforting to you.
Here are some issues to consider.
Not all graduate schools are the same, and not all career paths are the same. As a Ph.D. in mathematics, you might become: A career lecturer at a large public university, a research mathematician, a professor at a small liberal arts college, a teacher in the math dept. of a private high school, a simulation/modeling expert in thermodynamics for a large oil conglomerate, a control systems analyst for Boeing, a data analyst for Facebook, a quantitative analyst at a large wall street firm, a mathematical ecologist for the united states government, etc. etc. etc. All of these areas are well served by mathematics Ph.D.s but require hugely different skill sets that you develop while you are in graduate school, and after you leave graduate school.
There are many different graduate schools. Some you may be well prepared for, others you may not be. At some well-known graduate schools, we have people take real analysis and other upper level undergraduate courses during their first year of study. There is no shame in this! The point is whether you love what you are doing and whether or not you are making consistent, quantifiable progress. If you are working really hard and not getting anywhere, that is bad and you should consider a career shift. If you are working hard and making progress and love what you are doing, then for goodness sake keep doing it!
Here is how you should approach your professors. Ask direct questions that have answers. Here are some examples: Based on my performance in your class, do you feel that I would be a successful first year student in graduate school 3 years from now, supposing that I make the same level of progress that I've been doing? If so, do you have recommendations for specific schools? Your professor might hear this question and go off on a tangent, or become alerted to something else in your tone, etc... and give you more or less advice than you wanted. But the fact that you asked a specific question is much better than "Am I cut out for grad school?", which is a question that essentially has no answer.
In sum, your education is not wasted. Keep learning. You will thank yourself in 10 years.