References for sufficiency of tangential criteria for formally smooth/unramified/étale morphisms

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In this MO question the author asks about the sufficiency of tangential criteria for determining formal smoothness/unramifiedness/étaleness, at least for varieties.

This comment states:

For varieties over $k$, tangential criteria OK in smooth case at $k$-points (as the complete local ring is power series ring over $k$).


As a complete novice in algebraic geometry seeking a good understanding of formally smooth/unramified/étale morphisms, I am not able to fill the gaps in the linked comment(s).

  1. What are some references for sufficiency of tangential criteria for smooth varieties?
  2. Why are tangential criteria not always sufficient? Particularly what are some examples where they are satisfied but the morphism in question is not formally smooth/unramified/étale?

I think my second question is related to this one, asking for examples of non-split square-zero extensions (in characteristic zero).